Jokes from Maluu..............

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto

11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and
re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana
Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN
bones....

Jokes .

Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the
fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the
firemen under control.

-------------------------------------------

Wife: If I sleep with your best friend what will be
the first thought to come in your mind?

Husband: that you are a lesbian.


--------------------------------------------------------------


Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps
in the U.S ???

Because the people started licking the wrong side!


--------------------------------------------------------


Girl to hungry boyfriend: If my right leg was
afternoon meal & left leg evening meal what would you prefer?

Boyfriend: Eating between meals !!!!


-----------------------------------------------------------


Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were
rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married &
Married men wish they were Dead!


----------------------------------------------------------


How do you teach a girl maths? Add a bed, subtract
her clothes, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and
hope she doesn't multiply!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Lady : "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am !
you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall"

Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one"

Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";


------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------


A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of
the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine"

The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine
and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the
machine !!"


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be
yours forever."

The guy says 'thanks for the warning'


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife
after sex?"

He replied: "Depends, If I Can find a Phone"


-----------------------------------------------------------------------


Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for
problems where

others look for pleasure!!!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Man to wife on wedding night- "Are you sure I'm the
first man you are sleeping with?'

"Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the
others!'

1.Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got
heart attack & our driver ran away.

2. Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How urs looks like?
2nd: She is 5"8, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt urs?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find urs!!



3 ..Wife: Who's that women who is staring at us?
Hubby:Shhhh. i wud have a tough time explaning to her tomorow who u are
.....


4 ..When does skin meet skin, Hair meet hair & Balls disappear.
think.....
u dirty mind....
it happens when u blink ur eyes.


5 .What's the height of innocence? A 12year old girl
applies pimples cream on her breast!


6 ..Women asked man who is travelling with six children,
all these kids are urs??
No, i work in a condom factory & these are customer
complaints.


7 ..Bride's dad hands a note to the groom: "GOODS DELIVERED
ARE NOT RETURNABLE". Groom gave another note back to
him "CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN".


8 .A girl phoned me the otherday and said "Come on
over, there is nobody home". I went over, Nobody was
home.


9 .Teacher: Why cows look depressed when they are
milked?
Student: Madam, if some1 presses ur boobs for 2hrs &
doesnt f**k u, then how do u feel??


1 0.Do u know the full form of " BANGALORE ". Boys Asking
for Naked Girls At Low Rate Everyday.


1 1 ... she took off his pant gently & whispered" make me a
woman. he smiled & threw the pant at her and said, GO
WASH IT!!!.


1 2 ...Son asks difference between confidence and
confidential, Dad says, you are my son, im confident.
ur friend also my son, thats confidential!


1 3 ...1st sardar: Mumbai is the best city, ALL Free,
Pickup, Drop, Food, Drink, Hotel even Sex.
2nd sardar:When did u go?
1st sardar:Not me, my wife went, she told me.


1 4 ...Wat do u call prostitute, wife & girl friend in
mobile language... Prepaid, Postpaid & Demo card.


1 5.Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this right
time we shud talk abt sex.
Daughter: Sure mom, tell me wat u want to know.
Mom:##??!!

1 6 ...Difference between Good & Bad Girls. Good Girls
open a few button in hot atmosphere. But the Bad Girls
open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot.


1 7 ...Friend to sardar: Why are u going for a birth
control surgery for the ninth time?
Sardar: What to do yaar, my wife still keeps getting
pregnant.


1 8 ...Husband and Wife are just like two tyres of a
vehicle. Even if one pucntures, the vehicle cant move
further. So intelligent men always carry a stepney
with them!!


2 1 ...A daughter sends telegram to her father after
passing her B.Ed exams, which father received as
"FATHER, UR DAUGHTER HAS BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN BED".

Relax plz ..

Life is Short, Live it!
Love is Small, Flirt it!
Troubles are Momentary, Face it!
Memories are Sweet, Cherish it!
I'm too Good, Accept it!
-------------



-------------------
Yash Johar is producing a new film & is searching 4 new talent. I've suggested ur name. Pls go & meet him. The movie's name is "AKKAL HO NA HO"
-------------------


Dost kaha ho? Jaha ho wahi pe rehna. 3-4 ghante tak bahar mat nikalna. Tumhari jaan ko khatra hai! Bahar BANDAR pakadne wale ghoom rahe hai.
---------------


Baagon mein phool khilte rahenge...
Raat mein diye jalte rahenge...
Dua hai khuda se aap khush rahe hamesha...
Baaki hum tou hamesha tang karte rahenger!!!
-----------


I'm in hospital now. After 5min. I'll be transfered 2 a surgery room. The doctor aid that I'll die if I stop recieving ur SMS!
-------------


Mein tumhe pyaar ke teen shabd kehna chahta hoon... woh teen shabd jo tumhara dil tak pahooch kar, tumhe gehraayi tak chhooh jaye. Yeh teen shabd mere dil se nikal kar, tumhara dil par zaroor chhah jayenge. Ab sunlo yeh pyaar ke teen shabd - "MERA BHARAT MAHAAN". (Jai Hind)
-------------


I always think about U.




I can't live without U.




I really need U.




I'm totally mad about U.




I just wanna be with U.




I'm very desperate for U.




I'm crazy 4 U.




I wanna marry U.




I LOVE U.




Aisa muje bajuwali kehti hai
------------


Its not an achievement 2 make 100 FRiENDS in a Year, but an achievement is 2 make a FRiEND for 100 Years, 'N' I know I've made ONE, that's . . . YOU !!
--------



Knock knock...



Any1 there?



Oh good,hi i have a delivery 4u...

()"""() ,@
( '(' ) ,@@@
=(,,)=("')@@@
(""),,,("") "@@
Roses specialy 4u...
-------------



Some newspapers publish untrue news, but there is one thing that is true. What is it? >>> Date <<<
-------------



Last night I hugged my pillow and dreamt of you... I wish that someday I'd dream about my
pillow and I'd be hugging you
---------



When u were born, u were crying and everyone round u was smiling.. Live ur life so that when u die, u're the one who is smiling and everyone round u is crying..
----------



A Short thing, It gets Longer when U hold it, N pass between women Breasts, N enters into A hole What is it? 1 min 2 think! Car Seat Belt, U dirty mind.
---------------



aRe Ur LeGs TiReD? CoZ yoU'Ve BeEn RuNNiNg ThRoUgH My MiNd aLL DaY LoNg!
---------



Höld ä trüé frěénd wěth böth yöür händs, dońt lét gö 4 trüé frěend cömés öncé ěn ä lěfétěmé. Thĺt's why ě'm hölděng yoü tight! Cänt lét Ü go
--------



If I had a single flower for every time I thought of you I could walk in my garden forever, never finding the end.
----------


Aaj kal mann kar raha hai ki main...



tumhe..



kabhi bhi mauka dekh kar..



sabke samne...





ek...



k



ki



kis



kiss



kissa sunau Ramayan wala.
--------------------



Without LOVE, dayz are "Saddy, Moanday,Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Frightday, Shatterday". So fall in Love... Happy Valentine's Week.
-----------------



One day Friendship & Love met one-another. Love asked Friendship -"Why do U exist if I'm there?" So Friendship said -"To give a Smile to those eyes in which U leave Tears."
----------------


Love?
Its when U steal tears & still care for Her.
Its when She ignores U & U still Love Her.
Its when She begins to Love another & U still Smile.
---------------



Roses 4 u-Rs.10
Cards 4 u-Rs.25
Movie 4 u-Rs.99
Lunch 4 u-Rs.250
but a friend like u - PRICELESS!

Abey ped pe mat chadh. Priceless yane "BHANGAAR".
----------



if
u
need
ADVICE
MSG ME

if
u
need
a FRIEND
CALL ME

if
u
need
HELP
E-MAIL ME


if
u
need
MONEY
The number u dailed is not in service pls don't try again
---------------


What does true friendship mean 2 me?
U cry & Icry,
Ur sad n' I'm sad,
Ur laughing n' I'm laughing,
U jump out of the window.....
I LOOK DOWN!
----------


The night is dark, the moon is high, i stop my car, u ask why? I come close 2 u, u feel shy, I tell u those 3 words.......

........i La Punture
-----------


A Rose...
/,) ,-,'),
======/==:', '(@)
'0 '-'; )'
eXclusively
for a nice
person
l!ke U!!


From an even NICER person like me !
--------------


Zindagi mein jo cheeze aasani se milti hai...
PAISA
Jo mushkil se mile...

KHUSHI

Aur jo sirf bade nasib wale ko hi mile...
?
?
?
?APUN KA sms

Beautiful Math

Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321



Now, take a look at this...

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:


What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than
100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving
more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you
to GIVE OVER
100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?


What equals 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these
questions:


If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26.


If:


H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23 + 15+18+11 = 98%


And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%


But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%


THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:



L-O-V-E- O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%


Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical
certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and
Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you
over the top!